Bullying is not a buzzword – it’s a pandemic. It comes in all shapes and sizes, and sometimes, it is so subtle that it is almost impossible for the victim to articulate or pinpoint. It can be physical, psychological, or emotional.

But, what is bullying exactly? Kids disagree. They get into moods, and some seem to have a mean streak. So, what separates a bully from someone who is simply mean?

Why Do Bullies Bully?
Bullying is intentional, repetitive, and stems from an imbalance of power. Children who bully are often deeply insecure and try to empower themselves by weakening others. There are often issues at home that leave the child desperate for attention, causing them to lash out elsewhere instead of at the root of their emotional pain. If one delves deeper, it’s often found that the bully is or was a victim of bullying at some point. It’s a distorted way of regaining self-esteem.

The Facts
According to Safer Schools, bullying is rampant in South African schools, with roughly 3.2 million children bullied annually. When surveyed, children defined bullying as both verbal and physical abuse, and more than 67% of those bullied did not seek help from an adult.

Why? They didn’t believe it would help or feared it might make things worse. There’s a lot of pressure on children not to be labelled a ‘snitch.’

Interestingly, only 4% of kids surveyed said they know someone who has been bullied. This is because bullies can be subtle and often ensure their actions go unnoticed. Or when they are in public, it’s disguised as horseplay, and the victim is too embarrassed to speak out, often chuckling along to fit in.

Twenty years ago, if a child was being bullied at school, going home at the end of the day was a reprieve. But in today’s world, the bully follows the child into the sanctity of their private space, thanks to social media and the increasing incidents of cyberbullying. Unfortunately, legislation has lagged behind, and even with the new Cybercrimes Act, it’s challenging to avoid cyberbullying or seek help.

The Consequences of Bullying
The emotional and mental health consequences of bullying are dire. Victims can lose all self-esteem and spiral into depression and anxiety, leading to further issues such as substance abuse, self-harm, or even suicide.

Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied
Children often suffer in silence, and parents may attribute signs to hormones, teenage angst, or general adolescence. However, it’s crucial to encourage communication as a normal part of family life. If your child is uncharacteristically bad-tempered, avoids school, avoids discussing school, or shows a dramatic shift in school performance, it’s cause for concern. Physical signs such as cuts or bruises, unexplained damage, or loss of belongings are also red flags.

What to Do When Your Child Is Being Bullied
The most important thing you can do is listen and let your child feel heard. Share your own experiences if you were bullied as a child, but be careful not to undermine their experience by implying that it’s normal behaviour every child needs to deal with.

Speak to your child’s teacher and seek guidance, but don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents. It’s natural for parents to be defensive and protective, but this won’t fix anything.

Get the necessary support for your child and yourself to equip them with the tools they need to handle the situation.

Help your child articulate what’s happening to them. How you do this will depend on their age and can range from drawing and describing pictures to going for a milkshake and having a good talk. Focus on where your child is thriving or their deep interests. If they have a hobby or are involved in a sport, help them use it as an outlet to attach positive feelings about themselves.

Equip your child with online savvy, and take an interest in their online life. This can be tough with older teens, but keeping a healthy channel of communication open is essential. The internet is ruthless—once something is out there, there’s no taking it back. Children need to realise this, and they should never say or put anything online that they wouldn’t share in person.

If your child is being taunted or bullied online—whether by someone they know or a stranger—they need to feel safe speaking about it, so be open-minded. Never belittle their enjoyment of online gaming or social media. It’s part of their world, and they must learn to navigate it safely.

If you suspect or discover that your child is bullying another child, it’s just as important to get support. Get to the root of it so it doesn’t become a long-term problem, and assure your child that you love them unconditionally.